did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
