Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
