my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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