this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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