Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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