What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
