i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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