There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
