the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
