i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
