That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
