Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
