I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
