1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
