Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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