I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
