I think I died a long time ago.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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