I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
