his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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