I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she told me i tasted like america
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
