Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
