She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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