I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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