All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
