tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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