Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
