You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
