Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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