HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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