Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
