The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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