I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize