Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
