fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
