Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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