He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
