I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
