just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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