im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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