i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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