Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
