i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
