he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
