Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
