Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize