he wants to bone in the snuggie
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
