she was so not down for the gang bang
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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