I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
