Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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