my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
