if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
