I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
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Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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