hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
They are going to name an STD after you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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