I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sober January is a disaster.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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