her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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