I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
