i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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