lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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