It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
