and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
