I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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