her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I smell like Dick and happiness
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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