I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
