I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
