I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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