turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize