I wish my penis had an off switch
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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