My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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