Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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