God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
