she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
