Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
