i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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