Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
