I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize