i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
