how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
