The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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